I was in a roommate sitch that ended badly. Though she was pretty terrible toward the end, I reacted pretty terribly too (I see that now, but didn't then.) The whole thing spiralled down into a terrible, terrible mess and I'm pretty sure I ruined her life.

Have You Ever Ruined Someone's Life?

When I was 22 I lived in a two bedroom apartment with a girl and things were fine when it was the two of us. We had our own spaces in the fridge, our own dishes and cutlery, but shared cookware and cooking tools. Now, the agreement was that you cleaned up after yourself and you cleaned everything you used that day before you went to bed that night. The odd time one of us supplied a meal for the other, our arrangement was that whoever got the free meal cleaned up. If one of us ate something of the others, we replaced it that day, but that didn't really come up a lot.

It worked very well for us, there was never any problem with the kitchen things.

We were responsible for cleaning our own rooms and since we were both fans of Lysol wipes, we just cleaned the surfaces of the kitchen and bathroom with a wipe when we were done using them. We'd run the wipes over anything that looked remotely dusty before they got dingy. Things were very, very clean. Floors were swept and Wet Jetted every weekend, mostly because either her or I might have people over and didn't want people to think we were slobs. It was never really a big deal who did what because as soon as I or she started sweeping, the other would follow after with the Wet Jet and it was done in no time.

Then she moved her boyfriend in; without asking me and without making him pay any rent. It started out as just sleeping over, then it was sleeping over for the week and then he just never left. I sat them down and explained that it wasn't really cool that she made that decision without consulting me, or without thought to the lease agreement. It could have caused problems for us if the landlord decided we were in violation of it. I asked that her boyfriend at least contribute a third of the rent and chip in towards the utilities. Which was SO unfair because boyfriend was between jobs and had no means of earning money. Like that was a bonafide reason for him to just live in the apartment 100% rent free. I realized that this was going to be a challenge and that it likely wouldn't end well.

I gave them a month to fix the problem. They didn't fix it in the month. It actually got worse. Her boyfriend just hung around the apartment all day watching tv, talking on the phone and ferreting around the kitchen for stuff to eat. It was uncomfortable for me, because he knew I didn't care for him and the feeling was mutual.

She stopped cleaning up after herself or her boyfriend. The kitchen and living room were a mess, I hated it. I caught glimpses of her room, which was now a pigsty. They would use all their dishes and cutlery, then when all that was dirty- they used mine. Then, when nothing was left to use, they would break down and wash only theirs and leave mine dirty in the sink. I took all my dishes out of the cupboards and put them in a bin in my room.

He ate my food (huge pet peeve) so I moved all the pantry items to another bin in my room. I bought a tiny bar fridge form the local thrift store, put it in my room (which was now getting pretty close with all the bins) and kept my perishable goodies in it.

You would think that would have stopped them from eating my food, but they started going into my room when I was at work and eating little bits of things and assumed I wouldn't notice if it was just a little here and there. I noticed. I'm like Annie fucking Wilkes when it comes to my stuff. I have a very specific and anal way of wrapping my foods or folding my bags of chips/snacks before I affix a clip.

The Last Straw was when they had the nerve to pick at a turkey I was to bring to a Christmas potluck. I even put a Post It note on it saying "For Party. Please don't touch". They took the carefully folded foil off and from the looks of it- just dug in with their fingers. Thanks, now I have to bring a turkey thats 1/8th mangled and missing half the skin to serve to people. I got pissy and demanded that they pay me for the entire turkey. I was called a bitch, feet were stamped and doors were slammed.

I'd had enough. But I wasn't sure how to proceed.

My opportunity came when they told me they were going to see her parents out of province for a week after New Years. So I was extra nice to them before they left. No pointing out the dishes, mess or food. I even made a ham and shared it with them, no strings attached! While we shared the meal, I told them that things had been rough for all of us and that I was sure we would all feel better after stepping away from the situation for a week. They agreed, things had been rough, especially for them and they really needed this time at her parents to unwind from all this stress.

Before they even left, I quietly started to made arrangements.

I went and met with the landlord and explained the situation with roommates boyfriend and how they were messing the place up and how I couldn't/wouldn't clean up after the two of them. I explained that he refused to pay rent and used the fact that he wasn't on the lease as some sort of excuse not to go out, get a job to pay his own way. I explained that the whole thing was not what I signed up for. I came to an agreement with the landlord. I was lucky that we'd changed the lease from yearly to month to month after the first 12 months, or else it might not have been so easy for me.

Then, I put out some feelers and found a room in a large house with some acquaintances. I went and sat with the household and explained my situation. I came to an agreement with them as well.

Two days and two agreements later, which happened to be the day that roommate and her boyfriend left, I waited till they were two hours gone and I started to pack up all my shit and everything that I had purchased for the apartment.

Every. Last. Thing.

I realized as I was washing and packing things in the kitchen that "Holy shit! I bought almost everything here!" Pots, pans, bakewear, the garbage can, curtains, all the cleaning supplies. Almost everything in the kitchen, save for her set of dishes and set of cutlery.

Same went for the bathroom; all the towels, bathmat, curtains, garbage can, shower curtain, toilet paper, soaps, shampoo, conditioner. When I started thinking about the TP and toiletries, I started to get really angry; I'd been buying all of this shit the whole time and she'd been using it without thanks or without paying me one thin dime. I was angry at myself for being so generous and so stupid to let her use me for so long. Angry that this had been going on for ages and that I'd never really noticed I was keeping her ass clean. I realized how much of a fool I'd been when I saw those two big bottles of shampoo and conditioner and that one bar of soap when there should have been two sets of this shit all along. Even if it was just cleaners, toiletries and paper products, it adds up. I packed it all.

Living room was more of the same story. TV, DVD, PS2 and all the movies and games, cable box, sofa, chair, curtains, rug, tables and lamps. All shit I had either brought or bought. All shit her and her boyfriend used all day, every day was mine. I would have moved the TV and stuff into my own room, but it was already full of stuff I was trying to keep away from them. Plus, they would have just pushed their way in when I was gone and used it anyhow.

The next morning I borrowed a cube van from the greenhouse and started loading the small stuff. I called some friends to come in the afternoon, picked up a 28 case of Canadian and ordered a party sized pizza. We had a moving party. The landlord even came up to have a beer and a slice while we were buzzing back and forth, up and down the stairs.

When it was all packed I realized we packed all my cleaning stuff and ended up having to dig through the van to find it. I would have loved to leave the place a mess, but I didn't. We all took half an hour to dust, wipe down the kitchen and bathroom, sweep and wash the floors and make sure the apartment was spotless.

We repeated the lugging process in reverse at the new place. Only by that time my helpers were having a LOT more fun as most of the 28 beers were gone. I went and grabbed another case of beer and a big bottle of wine. My new housemates were more than happy to help with the moving, beer and wine. We ordered chinese food and it so weird to have people ask to chip in for the bill.

It didn't take long to get all my stuff in and we all had a good time when all the work was done.

I went back to the apartment the next day, hungover and pissy and checked that I left the place clean. I opened the door to her room and looked over the mess in there. Half eaten plates of food, glasses of juice and bottles of beer sitting on the floor amongst all the dirty laundry, wrappers and combined junk of the two of them... Then I noticed one of my hoodies and a pair of my slippers in the piles. So I set them outside the door and looked in her closet, I found a couple other tops and a pair of pajama pants of mine in there which made me even pissier. In a fit of pissyness, I took the winter coat I gave her for her birthday and yanked the fleece sheets off her bed that were her Christmas gift (I know this wasn't exactly cool; I had given these to her as gifts and all, but I was over being nice.) I didn't even want the stuff that had been in her room, it was the principle of the matter. I rolled it all up in a ball and tied it up in the flat sheet and dropped it into one of those donation bins on my way back to the house.

I'm lucky I did everything as soon as they left, because they came back three days early... To an empty apartment.

My phone blew up.

Ex roommate was LIVID.

She threatened to go to the landlord, I told her "Go right the fuck ahead, I met with him and paid my way out. Actually, he really wants to speak with you about the fact that your boyfriend has been living in the apartment for months now when it was just supposed to be the two of us" and hang up on her. More angry calls and more hang ups.

She then threatened to call the police to report that I'd stolen things from her. I told her "What things? I bought everything in the place, so its mine to take. As for the coat and the bedding, its gone, I threw it out... And I bought those, I even have the receipts for both of them. So go ahead, call the fucking police so they can laugh at you too." Hang up on her again. Some more calls, some angry, some threatening, all ending with my hanging up on her.

Then it was swearing, threats and all done while screaming. I told her I was recording her and she stopped swearing and threatening, but continued to call. I just continued hanging up on her.

Then it was pleading. Which I thoroughly enjoyed.

The landlord wasn't as nice to her as he was to me. Probably the bit of extra money I paid him for his "troubles" (the little party we had with the beer and pizza likely didn't hurt either.) Landlord wanted her to sign a new one year lease for being sneaky and dishonest with him. And if her boyfriend was going to be living there, he wanted boyfriend on the lease as well. Boyfriend wasn't down with that at all. Too much hassle and responsibility I guess, so he went back to his parents basement.

Ex roommate said she couldn't possibly afford the rent (she totally could have, at least for a month or two. She worked for a massive insurance company and made 40 thousand a year, 6 thousand more than I did at that point in my life) and as soon as she was late with the it, the landlord put a notice of eviction on her door. She begged me to come back. Yeah, but no. Been there, done that and wasn't interested in that shit again, dial tone. She asked to borrow some money so she could have the time to find a new place. Cue the hysterical laughter and then the sound of a dial tone, because I hung up on her after I told her to go piss in the ocean because this was all her fault and that I'd rather tear up my money than give it to her for anything. And again, there was hardly need for my intervention, she cleared more than I did and she had her chance. She could have paid a little bit more every month to cover the third her boyfriend should have been paying all along.

She called crying a couple times and I kept hanging up on her and then just started ignoring her calls. Then she called me from a payphone and threatened to come and find me. Yeah, good luck with that psycho. Hang up! A couple more days of intermittent calls came before the shit hit the fan.

She came back from work to find the locks on the apartment door changed and all of her stuff sitting in garbage bags labelled 2A in front of the landlords door. Apparently he literally dumped EVERYTHING into the bags of her clothing: kitchen and bathroom garbage, food, dirty plates, everything that was swept or scraped off the floor, all those half full glasses of sour juice and bottles of skunky beer- all dumped unceremoniously into her belongings. Oops! Some people just don't have a gnak for packing I guess. Landlord told her to get off the property and never to come back, he'd seen the state of her room and the neighbours were complaining about her screaming in the apartment. If I'd cared at all about her situation I would have told her the landlord wasn't allowed to just go into her place and fuck with her stuff, and that he wasn't able to just evict her without proper notice. But I didn't care at all and I could see exactly why the landlord wanted her ass out so he could rent to someone who was reliable and not a pig.

Her boyfriend dumped her when she asked if she could stay with him. Anyone who knew me refused to let her come and stay with them because they'd heard how shitty the whole thing was and didn't want to deal with the possibility of being stuck with her for any amount of time. And not surprisingly, even her own friends who'd only ever heard her side of events wouldn't take her in.

She got a room somewhere in a sketchy area of the city, bounced the cheque she swore would clear and lost the ring and the cell phone she'd given them as security (as well as a bunch of her stuff that they decided to just put outside the front door.) During this time she lashed out and threatened everyone and anyone she called for help. Pretty much burned all of her bridges.

The last I heard of her was a couple months after the cheque bouncing incident. She'd managed to get back with the boyfriend, basically showing up at his parents place and refusing to leave. She was expecting a baby that the boyfriend didn't want and insisted wasn't his and that his parents refused to accept or "allow" under their roof.

So yeah, I'm pretty sure I ruined her life. Or at least sped up the ruining that she'd already started.

TL:DR Don't touch my fucking turkey. If you do- I will take the shower curtain and the colander and you will end up homeless and pregnant.