Ah, the weather. The topic of satisfyingly lukewarm conversations everywhere. While I do dislike excessive weather complaining (well, just any excessive complaining), it is always on everyone's minds and never offends anyone. What I hate, however, is smug WeatherBragging in response to any weather-related comment. Obviously, this is mostly Facebook-based interaction.

Disclaimer: This is anecdotal evidence about smug WeatherBragging. I am aware I am making sweeping generalizations here, and that some of you from whatever areas are absolute peaches! Also, because the weather apparently rode the Tilt-A-Whirl too many times, everyone is having unusual weather so I am not really talking about RIGHT NOW.

The Southerner: Winter Privilege

I am a southerner. I may see something from a poor Yankee suffering through a ton of snow and ice and whatever other conditions the Flying Spaghetti Monster never meant for humans to live through. I will never ever respond with, "Ha, you should move down south where we don't have all this stupid shit! YOU IDIOT FOR LIVING WHERE YOU WANT AND THERE BEING ONE BAD THING THERE!"

I am a delicate flower and cannot handle winter; I admire those badass enough to deal with it. I get mad when it is colder than Room Temperature outside. The appropriate response, if one MUST be on a high horse about Winter Privilege, is, "Whoa, I could never handle that! That is why I live down here."

The Northerner: Winter Egomania

A southerner (or person living in a warmer place than Yankee) might experience the occasional TRUE winter weather (see: right now). I am a mega-southerner and we do not always even hit freezing temperatures (even at night) every year. We have no snow, no ice. So when we do, everyone appropriately freaks out. Even places that get snow regularly but that occasionally might get a legitimate blizzard and deserve a freakout.

A northerner living in this southern snowy place: "Oh yeah, this is NOTHING. And none of you huge idiots can drive in this! What kind of idiots can't drive in a blizzard?!" Um, idiots who never have blizzards. You're right, Carpetbagger! We can't drive in this shit. And you know what that means: DANGEROUSNESS.

A notherner not living in the south: "Oh yeah? Look outside MY window. And I'm still going to work uphill both ways pulling a covered wagon full of bowling balls and wearing nothing but a leotard!"

Well yeah, you know why this winter might be a big deal to us? Because our homes aren't designed to deal with heat. Because (as mentioned) we are not trained to drive in it. Because we don't have infrastructure to deal with snow.

Southern Florida/Virgin Isles/Islander Privilege

I get it. You win. These guys brag but you would too if you gave up real civilization in exchange for paradise.

Southern Californians: Top WeatherBraggers

These are the worst ones. I have a lot of relatives in this area and it is constantly driving me insane.

Anyone Else: "Whew, it's pretty chilly here today!"

SoCal Resident: "78 degrees and sunny here! I don't know why you'd live anywhere else."

Anyone Else: "Wet from this rainy day!"

SoCal Resident: "78 degrees and sunny here! I don't know why you'd live anywhere else."

Anyone Else: "These cocktails are really helping me beat this heat!"

SoCal Resident: "78 degrees and sunny here! I don't know why you'd live anywhere else."

You get the point.

Then cometh "June Gloom." (A time where it's a little bit rainier, windier, and overcastier, but still extremely mild)

SoCal Resident: "OMGOMGOMFG THIS IS THE WORST MONTH OF MY LIFE KILL EVERYONE."

Anyone Else: "Why don't you move? Not worth living in a place without 100% perfect weather right?"

SoCal Resident: "FUCK YOU, YOU ARE NOT DEALING WITH THIS NIGHTMARE."

Why they can't come visit you in your really fucking cool city that attracts tourists from all over the planet: "It's too humid there in the summer."

Why they can't come to your family reunion in Texas: "It's too hot."

Why they can't go on family ski trip: "It's too cold."

I hate WeatherBragging!