My NutriBullet Has Turned Me Into an AssholeS

God I love grinding fruits and nuts and vegetables and seeds and water and almond milk into a smoothie. It makes me feel so pumped. Food is no longer "food," it is instead fuel for my engine body. Why would you eat junk when your body can run on the most glorious of nutrients, all pulverized into some kind of drinkable superthing?

In short: I got a NutriBullet about 2 days ago and am basically high on kale. This will taper off, I'm sure, but at the moment I feel like a very excited, distracted hummingbird buzzing around and sanctimoniously telling people about the benefits of beets and sweet potatoes.

I even spent about 4 hours seriously considering veganism until I remembered that cheese is a thing, as is bacon.

On a serious note, why is it SO HARD to find solid, incontrovertible facts about nutrition? If one side can argue fastidiously that avoiding all sugar and flour and starch is the way to optimal health, and another can say that sugar and pasta are fine — it's meat that's the enemy, and both sides have lots of evidence to back up their claims... what the hell is going on?

Can't someone just tell me how to eat?

In the meantime, I'll be over here drinking my body fuel and laughing with salads as all ladies should.

My NutriBullet Has Turned Me Into an AssholeS