I have finally figured out why I am so stressed at work even though I love my job. I think it is one of those be careful what you wish for scenarios. I hate to be bored, and I love be challenged. All my life, I've always felt that I could do more, just given the chance. As we all know, getting to take a chance and grow professionally can be a rare opportunity. I finally got it. For the last three years I've worked in an environment where I've been allowed to try almost anything that I think is a good idea or want to try. The office is new so our mission and scope of work is still getting defined. The opportunities for a high achiever are crazy. Example: I mentioned that it would be nice if we bought some project management software similar to what I've used in past workplaces and because we are an insanely disorganized shit show. Boom.

Now our office has a project management team, lead by me. We selected a software, we are about to purchase and implement it. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO SELECT AND OR IMPLEMENT PROJECT MANAGEMENT SOFTWARE TO A GROUP OF 50 people. But hey, I'm doing it.

On other occasions I'll mention in passing that I'm sort of interested in xyz. Each time, bam, ok you are now in charge of xyz. Make it happen. I get whip lash every time.

Someone else asked me the other day, "How do you feel about Mexico?" To which I replied, "Fine." Ok. Bam, now I'm the Mexico person doing all things with Mexico (I work in global health).

This is great, but there is a flip side. Every time I get comfortable with doing something, and feel like I'm good at it, I move on to something more challenging. My boss always says, "Ok, I know you can do that. Let's delegate that to someone else, and you show me what else you can do." Ok. Great, in theory. In reality, I'm out of my comfort zone 99% of the time. Every minute of every day. That feeling you get when you start a new job, and you are scared, but learning. I've felt that way every day for almost three years. I'm in a constant state of learning.

I keep getting more responsibility and more difficult work right up until I can longer perform well. Then I get feedback. I never get positive feedback. When I do well, I get more challenging work instead of positive feedback. I only get feedback when shit goes wrong. I keep going and going until I'm in over my head. I'm trying to not get burnt out. I'm going to use the experience I get here to catapult into a MUCH higher paying job in the next few years, but damn. I'm so stressed.