An excerpt from today's conversation at lunch, during which Mom told me that the only criticism she had during her annual review was that, allegedly, some people are scared of her (which I don't buy).

Mom: I should bring this up in a joking way during the next project status meeting. I don't know why anybody is scared of me — it's not like I'm going to eat them if they ask me a question.

Me: Just tell them that you don't eat adults.

Mom: I prefer eating babies anyways. They're nice and tender.

Me: *Doubled over laughing*

Mom: Adults are too tough and hard to chew. Babies are so much tastier.

Me: Mom, if you say that during the meeting, I'll buy you lunch next time.

Mom: I just might take you up on that.

This is why I love my Mom. Don't let her looks fool you. She may be a 5'0" little Asian woman, but she's a badass and hilarious.