Weddings are insanity

(Please do not mainpage! Thanks!) I ranted here before about this but it just gets worse and worse. My friend is getting married in November, which she decided at the end of August. So, a little more than three months to pull off a wedding for 300 people. I am so angry and frustrated I can't even be coherent about it.

I'm gonna do bullet points because my head will explode otherwise.

-My friend NEVER ASKED ME TO BE A BRIDESMAID. She just ASSUMED I'd be okay with it and has steamrolled right along with plans for me to be in her bridal party. She clearly doesn't care what it will cost me or if I can afford to take days off work to travel. I swear to god, I will be bitching about that until I'm old. How rude, selfish and presumptuous do you have to be to just ASSUME people want to be in your wedding and are fine with the expense that comes with it? I'm now using up the vacation time I set aside for Christmas stuff for her wedding.

-She has not yet decided on the dress I will wear. I have come to terms with the fact that I will be the Fat Bridesmaid. Every wedding has one. I will be that bridesmaid. I was upset but, screw it, I don't have a choice. She keeps sending the bridesmaids emails and texts with links to dresses, all in hideous styles that will make me look like a whale, priced from $100 to $900! Some of the websites don't even carry my dress size but she didn't seem concerned when I pointed that out. So... even if I order a dress from a shady bridal website tomorrow and it gets to me in a week or two, I still have to have it altered. Or what if it doesn't fit! Oy vey.

-She made a "wedding" website, which is fine. It's 2013, you can use a wedding website for useful stuff like pictures and directions! I am not fine with her using my full name, where I went to college and a picture of me on it. I am a very private person online. I don't use my full name for anything. I don't have a Facebook. I asked her, politely, if she'd remove my full name because I did not feel comfortable with it on an unsecure website, right next to my picture. She has yet to reply. Am I weird or is that just rude? Shouldn't you ask someone before doing that? Those are personal details and she knows I'm a private person. But there it is. Ugh.

-The maid of honor (who, bless her heart, is a bit of a ditz) has grandiose plans for the bridal shower. She wants it to have a Marie Antoinette theme (because if there's one person in history who had a happy marriage and a life free from tragedy it was Marie Antoinette). She wants us to purchase decorations and decorate the restaurant we will be going to. On top of that, she wants us to chip in money for an artist to do French silhouettes at the party as well as a photographer. For a bridal shower! A PHOTOGRAPHER! Even better, she has the bright idea that we should all COME IN COSTUME. That's right, she wants us to go find (or make) a Marie Antoinette outfit and go to the bridal shower IN COSTUME. Part of me has a feeling the maid of honor doesn't exactly know what Marie Antoinette actually wore or anything about her. The bridal shower is in October. I sent her an email saying I didn't think we'd have time to do costumes. Haven't heard back on that one either...

-The last fucking straw happened today. The bride started texting me with links to bridesmaids dresses... AT FOUR AM. I use my phone as an alarm clock and it's in bed with me under a pillow so it woke me RIGHT the hell up. At first I thought it was my alarm, but no, it was A SERIES OF TEXTS ABOUT BRIDESMAIDS DRESSES AT FOUR FUCKING AM. I nearly ragequit her wedding (which I wasn't even given a choice to be in!) right then and there. Instead, I said "Listen, I love you and all, but it is 4 AM and this is unacceptable. Please text me when the sun is up and not before. Thanks!". Her reply? "LOLOLOLOLOL but you used to stay up this late when we lived together in college!". I lost it a little then and replied "That was FIVE YEARS AGO. I have a JOB NOW. Please do not text me at 4am!". Her reply? "lol sooooooooorry! Goodnight xoxoxoxo". I stayed pissed off about it all day. How rude. How flippant and rude and... rude. Ugh.

At this point, I can't bail. I want to, oh god do I want to, because I can not afford this. The bridal shower "events" are costing me $100 already, not even counting the gift and the cost of travel to get up there (I live in the next state over)!

What is it about weddings that make people insane? I haven't been involved in a wedding since I was a six year old flower girl. I just... is this normal? My friend is trying to cram over a year of wedding planning into two months and I'm so upset and stressed out. I'm sure she is too. But goddamn, this is nuts.

*takes a few deep breaths* I'm so sorry. I had to get that off my chest. Every time I get a text or an email I feel like throwing my phone across the room.