Of course you do. Pretty awful is pretty much all I do these days so why stop now? It ain't a pretty post and its more gross than "Oh, GhostOfCourtneyStoddensBoobs Is Reliving Some Of Her Evil Moments Again." So be warned.

Wanna Hear Something Pretty Awful?

I almost shit the bed last night.


Wanna Hear Something Pretty Awful?

Like, not in the figure of speech kinda way either. Like, literally almost deficated in the bed with MrGhostBoobs right beside me.

I've been under a lot of stress lately with the move, my Dad being in the hospital, MrGhostBoobs' cancer and the thing that I am sure is also cancer thats in my left boob... Add to that that we haven't brought the stove into the house yet because we're putting in new floor in the kitchen (its almost done! We're bringing the stove tonight!) So we're either eating at my Mums, eating nukerowave stuff or flat out junk food all day.

On top of all that I recently started taking my Adderall daily again. (Hooray for the Adderall pimples NOT showing up on my face and back this time! They are all over my scalp and I am trying my darndest not to pick myself completely bald.)

Anyhow, its been taking a toll on my crap factory. Lots of gurgelly, rumbly, squeaking noises coming from my belly these days. The Symphony Of Me has reached the crescendo or something and its all noise all day from beneath the yoga pants.

So last night we were watching a movie in bed and I kept getting some crazy, but run of the mill gas pains. I chalked it up to the cabbage and kale that was in the salad I had for lunch. Usually I just sneak a cheek and let it slip out (thats one of the brilliant things about MrGhostBoobs' anosmia- I can fart and fart and fart and he will never know if he doesn't hear it!!!) and last night was no exception. I let a few sneak out and it seemed to relieve the gas pains like they always do. No problem!

Maybe 10 minutes later got another round of pain and was about to relieve the pressure... And for some reason at the last second I just didn't. I got up, went to the loo and sat down to break wind and it was a nightmare explosion of poo that was the consistency of water that issued forth instead.

Wanna Hear Something Pretty Awful?

No warning. No indication that there was a troublemaker in the chamber AT ALL. And I know all my warning signs and all the pains and noises that indicate I am about to sing a couple rounds of the diarrhea song. None of those warnings were issues last night.

It would have been The Worst if it had come out in the bed. Just The Worst.

Anyhow, it goes to show that you rilly, Rilly, RILLY CAN NEVER TRUST A FART.