I don't think I can keep it together at my desk today. I feel so fucking weak. Why is my life falling apart. I did everything the right way. I worked hard in school, took my time getting married, waited to have a baby until we felt stable. And yet here I am. Miserable. Hating myself for allowing my life to turn out the way it has. And I keep thinking about my assaults and how they were my fault and I deserved it. How could these guys know I wasn't into it if I didn't say anything? I just wish I wasn't such a fuck up.

I should prolly take an Ativan but I can already barely keep my eyes open. I'm so tired. I'm afraid I'm going to fall asleep at my desk.

I don't think I'm fixable. My brain has always been fucked up. Trying to treat has only severed to highlight how fucked up I am.