I have a bit of a weird relationship with "traditional masculinity". I've looked critically at it enough to know how much damage it does as a paradigm. I've seen the harm it can do to both men and women on an individual level. I've been subject to the violence it encourages. But despite all that, holy shit does it ever turn me on.

Traditional Masculinity and Sexual Preferences

Yup. That is Harvey Specter with a baseball bat.

There's just something about assertiveness (let's be real, sometimes flat out arrogance) that does it for me. No matter how much I can be attracted to someone emotionally and intellectually, my swoons only happen when confronted by a powerful, competent man.

This has lead to some issues in my personal life. Who knew being attracted almost exclusively to men that inherently make bad partners wouldn't work out well for me? Eventually I got my shit together and started dating my husband, who is the kindest most gentle man in the entire world. And when we started dating he had enough of that traditional masculinity going for him that he could be kind and respectful to every single person he encountered without losing any of the swoon factor.

But, over the years things have changed. And I'm stuck. He talks in a "baby voice" half the time, rarely puts himself together or commands the attention of the room like he used to. This is the guy that stepped into my dorm room and immediately fixed my broken towel hook, now I can't get him to throw away a broken computer I've been asking him to for 3 moves. Yes, you read that right, a broken computer made it through the cut for 3 moves.

So I'm in a weird place. On the one hand, I don't want our home to be a place where someone isn't free to be who they are. And I especially don't want it to be a place that requires an oppressive paradigm. I am absolutely against it in every rational way, but on the other hand my heart only races when it's around. I haven't had serious attraction to my husband in a long time. And that's an issue.

Where are you at with traditional masculinity? Have you gone through something similar? Any advice? I brought up seeing a marriage counsellor when he gets home in October (summers are long distance for us).