So I've decided to go and get the colposcopy if at all possible. I will sit on the phone with planned parenthood and figure all this shit out, because even though they'll charge me full fee they treat me better than any other clinic I've been to.

I'm also talking to SexGod today. I'm going to explain everything to him from the beginning. I hope he has read up on "high risk" HPV, and/or is receptive to the information I give him. I hope he keeps a level head. I hope if he decides to tell his partner before I get the test that she won't find me and murder me. I hope he won't leave me. I never would've put him and his other partner at risk had I known.

Last night I dreamt that I was at a party with him and Sokka, and my rapist showed up and started taunting me and assaulting me again but Sokka was unable to get to me and SexGod had mysteriously vanished. I tried fighting back but it didn't work and one was there to help me so I ran, barefoot and half-naked, into the night.

I was so lonely for so long, you guys. People would turn me away when I told them, so when I thought the HPV was gone it meant that another rape-related chapter had been closed and I was free. And then I met him a week later and I was so happy. I don't want to go back. I don't want to face all of the shit I'm dealing with right now alone.

Saturday night SexGod was upset and I was his shoulder. I hope he can be mine today.