"Mommy, I have a cough in my throat because when I was a baby I swallowed a pretzel."

LET THAT BE A WARNING TO ALL OF YOU: DO NOT SWALLOW A PRETZEL WHEN YOU ARE A BABY LEST YE BE SICK WHEN YE ARE 4.

The reason my son is sick, according to him:

(No. This is NOT a first "teething ring." HEED KID STABBY'S WARNING OH GT!!)