That thing everyone has but nobody talks about...(TMI joy!)

...or spells correctly.

You guessed it. HEMEROIDS HEMORRHOIDS.

No one talks about it. Ever. But one of my six year old students brings special wipes to school. And when I suggested to my friend to put Tucks pads on her swollen eyes so she could go out, she had them in stock. Any woman I know who has given birth (and talked to about this...which rarely happens) has experienced them. Anyone with occasional stomach problems has experienced them. Why the stigma?

I developed a hemorrhoid years ago when I was dealing with constant stomach problems (before realizing I was gluten intolerant). It was rarely painful, very minor, no big deal.

Monday morning, I woke up with INTENSE pain in my rear and a major stomach ache. Whoa. Thinking it was constipation, I gave things a try...and found that it was too painful to even try. My stomach was killing me. I rushed to the store to get an enema and rushed home, trying not to cry. Yadda yadda yadda, I did the deed. MY BUTT STILL HURT INTENSELY. At this point, I couldn't even sit down anymore. What??

So I started putting the puzzle pieces together. I had had bronchitis for a week. I was coughing CONSTANTLY, putting strain on my entire body. My sides were sore, my stomach was aching, and I was on antibiotics. Ding ding ding.

Antibiotics were causing the terrible upset and nausea.

The bronchitis had caused me to develop a severely uncomfortable hemorrhoid. Oh jeez. And unfortunately, it was INSIDE, swollen so much that I couldn't go to the bathroom properly. And all I had were Tucks, a jar I'd had for several years that were almost dried out.

I couldn't handle the humiliation of going back to the store for Preparation H after buying an enema. Thankfully, my mom went for me and dropped some off. FOUR HOURS LATER. In the meantime, I'd carefully taken a sitz bath and stayed off my butt. Miracle of miracles, after sticking a second tube of something up my butt, I was feeling much better.

Mom =

That thing everyone has but nobody talks about...(TMI joy!)

Tuesday, I actually had to go to work. The variety of meds were helping and my cough was going away. I was too afraid to poop. I took some stool softeners in the evening so that I would be able to go pain-free this morning.

And on and on. So this is my life now. Painful poops and things up my butt. How long should I expect this to go on?

Feel free to share your super fun hemorrhoid stories!