I was just reading the mainpage post about the man sentenced to 14 years in prison for tricking a woman into taking an abortifacient which caused her to miscarry. Like everyone else (or almost everyone!) I'm horrified by his action.
But the comments got me thinking. One thing on which I really sympathize with MRAs is reproductive choice. Don't get me wrong – their idea that men should have the right to "financially abort" is wrongheaded for the simple reason that child support is about the child. But because of my staunchly pro-choice views, and because for me, personally, having a child is literally my worst nightmare (my most recurrent dream is realizing I am pregnant when it's too late to have an abortion, having fetuses crawling around inside me, etc.), I can't help but thank the God I don't believe in that I'm a woman, and thank SCOTUS that I, at least for now, have the legal right to end any pregnancy that happens in my body.
Sometimes I wonder how guys get up the courage to have sex, particularly slutty guys who don't want children. And so many of them do it without condoms. I have insisted on condoms more times than I can count, but I can't remember a single time when a guy brought it up first or insisted when I seemed lackadaisical. Why aren't they terrified of getting their one-night stands/friends/girlfriends/sex workers pregnant?
That said, sex is… well, sex. You know what it is. You know that when you want it, very little else seems to matter in the moment. The risk of pregnancy hasn't stopped me from having unprotected sex on occasion – but never did I forget, either, about my unspeakably precious legal right to abortion. But: when I've had unsafe sex, I did take the risk of contracting HIV or another STI. There's no $400, one-day, "cure" for that.
I certainly think that we should say to MRAs that if they don't want a baby they should insist on condoms and ask their partners about their views on abortion in case of accidental pregnancy. But I know all too well how the heat of the moment fucks with one's judgment. (We should not say to MRAs: if you're not prepared to support a child, don't have sex.)
I had an abortion in 2010. My inseminator, who was one of my closest friends, has never spoken to me since the day I told him I was pregnant. I hold him in utter contempt for that. But though he's a man I despise, I don't know how I feel about the idea of having had the baby in spite of my knowledge that he didn't want me to. I'm not judging women who do make this choice – in the end, a pregnant woman can and should do absolutely anything that she believes is right for her – but for me, personally, I think I would feel that I had deeply wronged a man if I had his baby against his wishes and especially if I then involved him in the form of child support or in any other way. I've had some odious sex partners, and the thought of one of them being my co-parent against my wishes is just… nauseating.
This is rambling, I'm sorry. I've had an awful day. I keep thinking of this terrible moment in my own life – crying outside Planned Parenthood. I'd signed in and then gone out for a cigarette while waiting for my appointment. And the protesters rushed up to me, because of course they thought I was crying because of guilt and second thoughts (I was crying because my asshole inseminator/ex-best friend wasn't there for me). But it was a terrible moment of seeing the pity and compassion in their eyes for this young woman who they thought was struggling with the choice of whether to murder her baby. (In their defense, my mumbled "not now" caused them to back up at once and give me space.)
Anyway, thoughts? Does anyone else sympathize with MRAs (or men in general) on this issue? I simply can't think of a worse thing than losing the choice to not be pregnant or be a parent, and I think it sucks massively for them that becoming a parent is out of their hands if the condom breaks or if they're too drunk/horny to use one.