So the tale I am going to tell has actual descriptions of actual sex and things that may or may not offend you (if you are not offended, call me k?). It's also a 100% true tale, though some of the memories are fuzzy because of time and space and copious amounts of red wine (then and now, red wine transcends space/time)

So I like sex a lot and I am not shy about saying so or showing so, I think I told Hubby I was bi and DTF within 1 hour of our first kiss, when I like someone that way, they know it, because I told them. I am not subtle. Hubby is way less sexually experienced than I, having had only one partner before me and only getting to second or third with a few other ladies. His ex-wife is my polar opposite, rather frigid, work-a-holic and humorless. Not really a love match for Hubby. Thankfully by the time I met him he was single and free and I was almost single.

So Hubby and I had been married for about 9 years and for all that time we had fantasized about a threesome. Well I had fantasized about it and Hubby went along since he's happy if I'm happy. We had and have some agreements about online communications and texty sexy-time talking with strangers. Basically I could say what I wanted openly to anyone and "play" around with any gender, but privately I was allowed to explore women more, umm deeply. So I had some online girl type friends and occasionally had some offline girl type friends. But as with most things in life you can't get everything you want and most gals just wanted some sexy time with me alone and/or they'd only concede to a threesome if I would return the favor with them and their boyfriend/husband, which was not kosher with Hubby.

Around this time I was _____Mom on Myspace (yes, Myspace!) and I had made lots of friends there and I found myself somewhat popular with the ladies, which always twists my head since I like the ladies a lot. I also made a very good friend who was a Boy, I'll call him "Trey", and he and I were BFFs, talking all night, cracking jokes and listening to Mouldy Peaches while we virtually braided each other's hair. I will admit that we both really liked each other, in that way. It was a fun and confusing time. Trey and I cared about each other so damn much that though there was palpable sexual tension we both agreed to never go there since our friendship was so fulfilling on it's own.

So it came to pass that I organized a meet-up trip to Las Vegas for my MySpace gang. Trey could not afford the trip so we made T-shirts and raised money for him to come too. I was beyond excited to meet my friends, Trey and the girls who promised to kiss me and more. I was worked up into a lather, really.

One of my online friends said she was down for threesome with me and Hubby (he looks like a young Han Solo, remember?) and I was super excited planning the "event" since she was fun, smart, hot and incredibly kinky. Hubby was getting pretty into the idea and since I have been around I knew that threesomes are a rare treat, like a fresh cronut. (full disclosure, I've never had a cronut).

Super Sad Platonic Love Story

One of the other people coming along was a gal I didn't like so much, she just set me on edge online, she seemed fake. She used pin-up girls as her avatar and talked incessantly about how sexy she was, I'll call her "J". I was nice to J online since I'm kind of nice and it's not really nice to judge a person based on an avatar (I am not an interrobang, for example).

So the day before the big trip my kinky girl type friend tells me she cannot come, I think she was on probation and couldn't leave the state actually. She was fun like that.

And J calls me up and asks if she can stay in our room for one night since we are all going early and her hotel is booked that night. I say yes because I have problems saying no and because I am a damn curious cat and she's a supposedly super sexy girl.

So Hubby and I meet-up with J, she is nothing like she'd described, nothing. She is as full of herself as I expected and is flirting hard with Hubby, which I found amusing in a giggle manner. I really do not get jealous of others wanting or touching my husband, mostly the thought makes me horny, but the way J flirted was so obviously for attention and not out of any real lustful feeling, it just made me chortle.

Super Sad Platonic Love Story

We all went out and drank and played slots and smoked too many cigarettes (Vegas!) and then stumbled back to our room after a hilarious drunken journey through the labyrinth of hallways. When we got to the room J pounced on Hubby, kissing him with more tongue than anything else and he drunkenly obliged. I went into my full "when in Rome" phase, which gets me great stories but maybe isn't my best self.

I stripped down and tugged away layers of clothing from J and Hubby while she kept up her tongue-based examination of Hubby's mouth. I kissed her too (Rome!!) and it wasn't the worst but there was no spark since it all felt like she was putting on a show. I like reality and truth not whatever this was.

She climbed on top of Hubby and cooed and squealed and made all the noises that we all have heard, in pornos. She bounced on him like he was her personal bouncy castle and it was her birthday party. Hubby then passed out mid-bounce and she tried hard to wake him while I lazily pinched her nipple (Roma!!).

Bored and her audience asleep she turned her attention to our balcony declaring she'd go skinny dipping (in full view of every room, natch. I declined her offer to join, not really wanting to put on a show. In the morning we went to an awkward breakfast buffet and dropped her at her hotel where we were to meet all my friends that evening.(Ciao!)

Next Hubby and I went to meet Trey. We, Trey and I, ran to each other across the casino and hugged like old friends, it was the best.

Super Sad Platonic Love Story

When he shook Hubby's hand that was the final thing that broke any spell of lust between us and Trey and I relaxed into friendship, it was nice, honest, real. I really don't know why I didn't tell Trey about our threesome, well that's a lie, I didn't tell him because one of my plans for the weekend was to make sure Trey got laid. He'd been on a five year dry spell and I just could not handle the thought that he should be sexy-time free for one more day. Of course I really did not want him to be with J since she was so fake. But I still didn't mention our stupid, drunk threesome.

We all met at J's fabulous suite and it was so much fun. I have never been the popular type, and I was unprepared for the warm reception I received. Everyone was so excited to meet lil' ol' me and so many girls wanted kisses. I happily obliged, so happily. J was seething as the girls kissed me, standing by me and actually asking the girls to kiss her too, they declined saying I was the one they wanted. She began flirting with Hubby in the most showy way. he was not interested and preferred to smoke cigars and talk to my fun friend Yuri about nothing much while I kissed the girls. (he's kind of a great husband, ain't he?).

J dragged me to the bathroom and tried to give me some random pill like I was Alice and her suite was Wonderland. I declined the pill (roofie??!!) and she then begged for my shoes "Please trade with me". I loved my red pumps with the cute little buckle, but I traded because I was a doormat back then.

Trey and I were having much fun being in real space/time with each other and J sort of seized on that and set her sights on making him hers. And who could blame Trey, I was untouchable and he was lonely and J was willing. From then on J and Trey were an item. And over the course of the weekend J made sure Trey and I would not be allowed to talk alone or really hang out at all. He confessed he felt he loved her by day 3 and I died inside but on the outside I hugged him and told him I was so happy he wasn't alone.

(sad lies are the saddest lies)

On the last day Trey and J were to meet us for breakfast and I was to get my shoes back (she kept 'forgetting" them all weekend). They were late, tragically late and I felt my last chance to see Trey slipping away. I was sad about Trey and livid about my shoes. They missed breakfast entirely, J cooing to me over text "we had to fuck" (vomit!) I texted back one word "shoes". Right as our airport bus was about to arrive Trey came dragging J along, he hugged me tight, he was so happy, so fucking happy. J had "forgotten" my shoes in the car and Trey shot her a look and sternly told her to run and get them, I loved him for that look, so much. J sheepishly returned my shoes with zero apologies or mention of the now-broken buckle.

In the end, after we all went home, J forbade Trey from talking to me unless she was there to listen in. J eventually left Trey in the worst way and he and I spoke only once two years later. I still don't know if she told him about our threesome, but I suspect she did and that she twisted it into soothing to suit her own needs, just like everything else she did. And Myspace became a scary Ghost town, but that may have had nothing to do with me.

So the lesson? I don't know really. Be careful what you wish for? I guess. I would still like a real threesome with Hubby, but I think we'll both be more careful and sober next time.

I also know I'll keep wishing Trey would call again.

Super Sad Platonic Love Story