I thought it was about time for an update on my situation. I have been lurking but just haven't had the energy to post much. My psychiatrist saw me last week Monday, we're switching up the meds again and *fingers crossed* the valium seems to have not made me super drowsy. I'm only taking a half dose so we'll see what happens when the full dose is in me. The psychiatrist also agreed to a couple weeks off work. It started off rough. My therapist was not happy to hear I wasn't really trying to quit smoking pot (basically it's been my anti-anxiety medicine) so now I'm keeping a log of what I'm doing with my days. It's helped motivate me to fill my days with more than just internet and getting stoned. In fact I haven't smoked since Saturday night (before that it had been since Wednesday).
So Sunday I organized some good old fashioned day drinking with my friends back home. We went to our favorite bar. It's on the water and has live music on Sundays. We drank, we danced, we caught up. I was honest about what I was going thru and I think I really managed to tell them what I need from them while also promising to make more of an effort. PLUS I got pleasantly buzzed and had no hangover today! I spent the night at my BFF's she left me a really sweet note since she had to leave for work in the morning. She told me to call whenever I needed to talk and that it will get better. I'm feeling pretty optimistic overall.
Oh and kind of a weird run in at the bar. I was in the water dancing with some girlfriends and I look up and there's this dude waving me over that I haven't seen since high school. He was a major dick to me in middle school (yes I have a problem letting go of things). Anyways it was kind of the beginning of my poor self esteem. He wanted to talk to me but I was apprehensive. We talked (liquid courage FTW), he apologized for being an asshole, we caught up a bit, and snap chatted a picture to my little brother (who sometimes hangs out with him). I later found out that he didn't recognize me which I always take as a good thing cuz I got way hotter after high school. He went on to corner my BFF and tell her he's been in love with her since 4th grade. She managed to give us the deer-in-headlight look and we swooped in to save her. But overall I feel refreshed. It was really nice to get out and have fun.