UPDATE! Midnight, 9/5: 59 SIGNATURES!!! ALMOST THERE! HOW POETIC IS THIS YOU GUISE? It is literally 9/5 and we are SO CLOSE away from achieving our goal! In recognition of your hard work, here is Dolly singing '9 to 5' (there is a possibility we could incorporate this into the '50 Shades of Grey Movie,' fyi.) BUT YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR EFFORTS! Tweet 'Put Burt Reynolds and Dolly Parton In the #50shadesofgrey movie! #50shadesofburtanddolly " to everyone you know! WE ARE ALMOST THERE!

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Friends! Like me, you were totally outraged by the terrible and obviously totally wrong casting of the '50 Shades of Grey' movie. And while I have heard rumors about some efforts being undertaken to rectify this, I cannot stand on the sidelines in silence. There is clearly only one way to go that would make this movie completely good so it will not suck.

CAST BURT REYNOLDS AND DOLLY PARTON IN THIS MOVIE!

Who didn't read '50 Shades of Grey' and picture Burt as the charming young seducer? Who didn't see read all the narration from Anastasia in Dolly's beautiful, pitch perfect Tennessee-twang?

The only way we can make this happen is if we make Hollywood hear our collective voices. Sign my petition today and get the best possible casting choices for this awesome book.

Best of all, their onscreen chemistry is totally unmatched. Behold these outtakes from a classic true American romance movie, 'Best Little Whorehouse In Texas.'

Who doesn't watch that and 'kinky Red Room sex'????

So sign my petition now. Take a stand for what is good and right, to put Burt Reynolds and Dolly Parton in this movie!

Sign My Petition To Get Burt Reynolds and Dolly Parton in '50 Shades'!S

Please, help spread the word on Twitter! Use hashtag #50ShadesofBurtandDolly!!! Let's get a message to Hollywood to get real art back in movies!

We can do anything, guisse!!!!

"Burt" Rey is a comedy writer, buffet aficionado and spirit conduit for Mr. Burt Reynolds, aka the greatest human being of all time. Burt Reynolds Is Her Spirit Guide. Her origins are largely unknown. Some people suspect she was raised by a pack of wolves, except it is highly unlikely that wolves would put up with so much drinking and swearing. You can follow her on Twitter @americasbaby1, on Tumblr, or check out her blog, www.drinkcursescrew.com.