This is was the last email I got from a certain family member before I asked not to be included in any more group emails because they were so damned offensive. Said family member didn't understand what was wrong with them because they are just jokes! ahahahaha... no.

Don't read them. Honestly they will just piss you off.

But do - because sometimes it's interesting to see what some people think is funny enough to send to all their friends and family.

But seriously don't, because they are unbelievably awful.

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

>
> 1 Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
> Family values.
>
> Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
>
> Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
>
> ___________________________________________
>
> 2 A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my
> Intelligence come from?'
>
> The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother,
> Cause I still have mine.'
>
> ___________________________________________
>
> 3. 'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court
> Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
>
> 'That's very fair, your honour,' the husband said. 'And every now and
> Then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
>
> 4. A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room,
> Took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife At all.'
>
> 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really
> Good with the kids.'
>
> ___________________________________________
>
> 5. An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
> Been living with for the last 40 years.
>
> The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
> That were used to put the curse on you.'
>
> The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
>
> ___________________________________________
>
> 6. Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Alabama Murder:
>
> 1. The DNA all matches.
>
> 2. There are no dental records.
>
> ___________________________________________
>
> 7. A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll
> Take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'
>
> The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
>
> 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
>
> ___________________________________________
>
> 8. Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
>
> 'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
>
> 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
>
> 'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
>
> 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
>
> ___________________________________________
>
> 9 Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
>
> Joe: 'Really?'
>
> Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
>
> ___________________________________________
>
> 10 A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and
> Asks him how he is feeling.
>
> 'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in
> Surgery,' he answered.
>
> 'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
>
> 'Oops!'
>
> ___________________________________________
>
> 12 While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display Of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's Advice.
>
> 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
>
> 'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
>
> He's still in intensive care.
>