Hello, hivemind: I am here. I exist. I'm feeling that vague, drifty depression I always get just after the school year ends. Here's a heavy metal song:

1. At some point in the future, all possible Tolkien references in Elvish, Entish, and the tongues of men (see what I did there?) will have been exhausted by metal bands. It is inevitable. I predict that metal groups who wish to claim a name of a retiring band will engage in epic gladiatorial combat ending with one victor and one chained by the Valar for an Age.

2. I might have mentioned it in posts I'm too lazy to link to right now, but I went to the medieval congress in Kalamazoo last week and it was so fucking awesome. Two words: wine hour. Wine. Hour. winehour. Why is this not a thing everywhere? At 5 pm, I want to be able to walk up and down a couple of hills into the courtyard of a college dorm and help myself to cup after cup of the finest boxed vintages of Franzia. Add to this a variety of open bar receptions, which lead to things like singing folk songs with a crazy Icelander and talking with the Medievalist version of Amy Farrah Fowler until 3 in the morning. One of the open bar receptions came just before The Dance. I considered it my sacred duty to drink as many Michigan brews as I could get my hands on. They were quite tasty. And the dance, once I and my drunken companions, my best friends for life whose names I can't quite come up with, found the building was quite awesome, even though it was — horror of horrors — cash bar.

Oh yeah, and the paper I presented was pretty well received.

3. My mom came over tonight for Gradling 2's 2nd birthday. His dinner was actually last night, but my mom couldn't make it. In many ways, this is a good thing. And hey, the visit was not horrible. The countdown is on until she calls me and tells me what horrible offense she feels she suffered.

4. God I wish I had some beer right now. Or I don't know if it counts as "beer," but some Angry Orchard cider. I'm trying to be "responsible" with my "money" so I don't end up "completely broke, bankrupt, and homeless."

5. For about 8 or 9 years, my wife has been either a) nursing, b) pregnant, or c) trying to get pregnant just about constantly. She's never been much of a drinker, but she's ready to actually get to drink alcohol for a change. So we're going to a fancy-pants fondue place that we got a pretty sweet Groupon for.

6. Speaking of fancy pants: has anyone tried Fancy Pants wine? I'm intrigued by the name.

7. TW: TMI, porn

Can I talk about porn on here? I understand that it's a touch subject, but I want to open up about the fact that I am pretty fond of porn. I try not to let it run my life. Several years ago, I think I did let it get out of hand, but not now. Anyway, I discovered a sub-genre of porn that is deeply weird and fascinating: porn videos of people watching porn. It's very meta and surprisingly arousing.

8. Thank you for the advice and sympathy about the teeth thing I posted. I actually do have some clove oil, and it works okay. The problem is that if I get it on my lips or tongue, it is not so pleasant.

9. I'm watching something about the bottom of the ocean on Nat Geo. It's narrated by Avery Brooks, aka Captain Sisko. Bad ass.