(not that it would be, but please: no mainpaging)

Never, ever, ever agree to an adjustment of your anti-depressants during the month of December, when you have 6 grad school applications due by 1/3. I'm working on a longer post about exactly what a nervous/depressive meltdown feels and looks like, but let's just say that I (somehow) managed to get through my first 3 applications, I'm working on the next 3 (due 1/1, 1/2, and 1/3), don't have a CV, just realized that one of the schools wants transcripts ON PAPER (as well as online - yeah, I had to hunt that information down), and I haven't been able to get in touch with my main university (yeah, I have 3 university transcripts - stupid overachieving high schooler). FUCK DEPRESSION THAT PRESENTS AS SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, UNMANAGEABLE PARANOIA, AND MANIC BEHAVIOR.

Plus, I have to do a CV which is going to be pathetically laughable. I don't have publications. I don't have research (unless you count the research I did for authenticating information for TV scripts or hunting down Metallica infringers). I have no academic achievements except for doing an invite only undergraduate film thesis class as a writer/director. I mean, my strongest academic achievement is that I started taking college classes when I was 15 and got out of an elite university with a 3.2 average in 3 years. The longest section is going to be experience and that is all film/TV related.

Oh, did I mention how my emails to my recommenders for these schools somehow got lost in cyberspace and NOW I'M SCRAMBLING AND BEGGING to get them written?!?!

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. I'M GOING TO FUCKING CRY. THEN STAY UP UNTIL ALL OF THESE ARE DONE AND PRAY FOR SOME KIND OF FUCKING MIRACLE.

In case it's not clear how I feel right now:

Note To Self...

Note To Self...S

Note To Self...S

Note To Self...S