I got this email from a dude recently, and thought I'd share the obnoxiousness with you. As you read, keep in mind that I do creative work in an artistic field.

Hi CunnyBird,

I don't know if you remember me, but we met each other at a gallery opening in LES last Wednesday, and I asked you for your card. You've got amazing work, but that's not the reason I am contacting you. I honestly believe that you've got exceptionally beautiful face, and I won't be able to sleep well until I take your portrait. Believe me, I work with professional agency models all the time, but I've never seen anything as spectacular as your cheekbones, and collar bones, and eyes, and lips, and neck, and shoulders. So, please, think about it! We can keep it very simple and shoot outside, somewhere convenient for you.

Cheers, Dude

My favorite part of this is the "you've got amazing work, but that's not the reason I am contacting you." At least he's being honest, and letting me know where my true value lies. And the whole "I won't be able to sleep well until I take your portrait" is downright creepy. I get that he's trying to flatter me, but I'm a little concerned that I might wake up one night to see him peering through the window.

However, it's a small world and I don't want to make enemies with people who have some power in my career field. So I sent him a brief, polite reply:

Hi Dude,

I appreciate your interest in working with me, but I'm not interested in modeling. It was nice meeting you last week. -CunnyBird

Then I received this reply:

This is so disappointing ...Maybe I can take you out for dinner or drinks and try to negotiate something, no? ... I so much need a muse.

-D

Oh, you need a muse? Fuck off! Why don't you be my muse, asshole? I'll lock you up in a glass case on a pedestal and whenever I'm feeling uninspired, I'll ask you to smile pretty and dance for me. I work in an artistic field. I take my work very seriously, and quite frankly, I'm damn good at it. It's extremely frustrating for men in my field to completely ignore my creative work and focus on my looks instead. This type of dude only finds value in me insofar as I can inspire his work. They might think it's cool or cute that I have a body of work, but that's never the body they're interested in. If you want to date or fuck me, go ahead and ask, but the whole muse thing is gross and insulting.


Obnoxious Email From a Muse-seeking Dude