We were chatting in bed after some hot sexin' and he gets up and goes into the kitchen. I am still in bed when I hear a clonk and then see my boyfriend walk past the bedroom door to the circuit box in the hallway.

I'm snuggling into the blankets when I hear a click and then BRRRRZZZZZAAAAPP CLICK

I think, Hmm, I want to listen to some music but I don't know what...

click BRRRZZZZZZAAAAAPPPPP

Then, from the hallway, "Hey babe, I need your help finding out what this sound is!"

I shuffle out of bed and meet him in the hallway. "It's coming from the kitchen," he says.

Yawning, I stroll into the kitchen. I look at the electrical outlet by the stove and think, Was that always black like that? What did we cook last night?! As I'm peering at it, perplexed, slightly drunk and sleepy from the post-sex happy fuzzies, it happens again—BRRRZZZZAAAAAAPPPPP

And a foot long jet of fire and sparks shoots horizontally out of the outlet. I leap backward and shout, AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH OH MY FUCKING GOD TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF

click

I start laughing uncontrollably.

"What was it?" Boyfriend asks.

click BTTTRRTTRRZZZZZAPAPAPAPAPA

FLAMES FLAMES SPARKS FIRE FIRE FIRE I am hopping around and holding my boobs in my arms, shouting, JESUS FUCK TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF YOU'RE GOING TO BURN THE HOUSE DOWN AAAAAAHHHHHH

click

Boyfriend walks into the kitchen and I am laughing, again, pointing at the outlet and hopping around trying to articulate that fire is shooting from the socket and sweet Jesus he's going to kill us all.

Ooooh, wow, he says. He pulls our spice grinder's plug from the charred socket and the metal prongs are gone. Poor little guy. :(

It was a stellar thrift store find and served us well for almost two years, but alas... Valar morghulis, little buddy.

My takeaway: When investigating strange sounds, at least throw a robe on, first. And when some screams OH MY GOD TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF it's best to turn it off and leave it off, then go inquire as to why this message was shouted so vehemently.

We spent some time with a flashlight making sure there wasn't a fire inside the wall, behind the plate, and then went to find and comfort the poor terrified kitties.

FIRE SAFETY, PEOPLE.