Weird midnight conversations in bed...

( the asterisk * is used to denote when my husband is speaking, cuz it's too confusing without some sort of marker ;] )

*I read this depressing article about our chances for having a kid.

Yeah…

*It basically said we have something like a 15% chance of conceiving and then there's the whole risk of birth defects and stuff…

Well i told you when we first met that if we didn't start trying for kids soon then we may not have a chance…

*So it's all my fault then, i'm sorry

ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! Its not like we could've gotten married anyways, the economy was in the tank, i decided to change careers and go back to school and you were busy trying to find a full time job. Not exactly the best time to get hitched and start popping out kids, ya know…sheesh… can we go to sleep now??

(roll, roll, shift, fight for blankets)

*I love you and don't want to leave you even if you can't have kids…

Thanks? I love you too, although now i'm thinking maybe we should see a therapist…

*I just figured that i'd marry the woman i loved, even if she has cancer. I was prepared for that. (how i managed to marry the one millennial who watches romcoms unironically is a great mystery)

Good thing i only have infertility and not cancer…

*Can we spoon now, i really need to sleep.

Ok

(10 uncomfortable minutes later)

*You're ok with adopting, right?

Yes, we've already had this discussion. But it is expensive, so we'll have to save up.

*Just promise me that we won't go the ivf route if we still can't have kids after six months of trying. That essay was scary and it's so expensive.

Well finances and time will pretty much close that option off, so i don't think you have to worry.

*I just don't want to lose you.

I don't want to lose you too.

(silence, but i can feel the gears turning in his brain)

*If we can't afford kids, what should we do then?

I think we should become the obnoxious childless couple that kidded people hate.

*Yeah and what would that look like?

Well...

(mind spinning with possibilities)

We could take pricey trips around the world and post pictures on facebook. I'll get pricey clothes and... and... a booblift with a facelift and then we'll donate all our money to charity when we die.

(silence)

Was that too far??

*No, i was thinking that if we're both working it may be possible.

(laughter)

lets go to bed now…

nite hon

nite love

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.

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I can't sleep

Me neither

(sighs)