Misogyny and wedding haters

These are some choice top comments from this Yahoo! article about a couple's elopement to Iceland:

If couples worked 1% as hard at their MARRIAGES as they do their WEDDINGS there would be far fewer divorces.

Weddings these days are out of control, with brides acting like spoiled brats. This shows it should be about the marriage, not the wedding. ABSOLUTELY STUNNING !

I've always thought big weddings were a crock. Women that can't live without the fantasy of being treated like a Princess for one day, after months of headache planning, are selfish and narcissistic. I'd much rather be taken on a PRINCESS cruise lasting for two weeks that costs $3,000 , than spend $20,000 on a one day event. Or how about taking that money and using it as a down payment on a house? That way my monthly house payment is less and I can afford several vacations over a lifetime, instead of one wedding?

Yeah, Yahoo! comments are the absolute butthole of the internet, but don't pretend like comments along these lines don't pop up on basically every story involving weddings on Jez, Gawker, and all over the place. Including real life.

Notice that it's always somehow the bride who is caught up, over the top, selfish, a BRIDEZILLA. This is basically plays out exactly like "women - why are they so worried about their weight?" or "women - why are they always wearing so much makeup?"

I am willing to be that there are tons and tons of women out there who didn't want all the bells and whistles that every relative will tell you are absolutely necessary for a wedding, but ended up having them anyway because said relatives wouldn't shove off about it. It is 100% a societal expectation that you do all that shit. I felt like I was breaking my grandma's heart this weekend telling her we were doing something small in DC and would be home to celebrate with everyone later. You should not have to have the willpower and stubbornness of an ox to not go into debt or way over budget on a wedding. And yet...

But! On the other hand! There is also absolutely nothing shameful about wanting all of that stuff! There is no reason to tell anybody else how to spend their money! If money were a lot less of an object my wedding might look entirely different than it does. I don't know. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a special day to focus on you and your intended, and to get some beautiful pictures out of it and to show your guests a wonderful time. There is nothing wrong with wanting all the bells and whistles. There's not even anything wrong with spending x amount of dollars on it. It might not be what I would do, but I don't care!

We're very low key people who barely have any pictures of ourselves together and who don't do romantic stuff on the regular. We're home bodies who are financially responsible (and fortunate, btw) and who don't like being the centers of attention. BUT THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING OR LIKING TO HAVE A DAY ALL ABOUT YOU. They don't come around very often for us. And you know what? Sometimes it feels GREAT. That doesn't make me a narcissist. I LOVED sharing my college graduation with my family and watching them have so much pride in me for winning awards and generally being a total BAMF at school. I loved it! It brought us all together and was really exciting! It is okay to be excited about important life events, like graduations and weddings and marriages!

All of this rambling is to say: I wish we could all just do what we wanted without judgment or expectations from others. As women, we are damned if we do and damned if we don't on yet one more issue. And I'm really over it.

Women are sometimes assholes. Sometimes they are assholes and also brides. Women are sometimes financially irresponsible. But you know what? So are men. Both of those things. And somehow they don't get labeled with any particular pathology such as "BRIDEZILLA."

Oh, and I have already ranted to my fiance about how everyone turns to ME to ask when the date is, and ME to ask all the other details, and he is trying to field questions as best he can and participate as much as possible. I've also ranted that after we are married, let's wait and see which one of us people are bugging to know when we're going to have kids...

ETA please do not mainpage this