Far and Away — really?!

This fucking movie

Where do I even start?! And WHY am I mindlessly hate-watching it?!

1) Tom Cruise, what in God's name is your accent doing?! Seriously. Are you supposed to be some kind of American Southerner having inherited your accent from one wacky Irish grandpa with a speech impediment and a head injury? Also, I'm sort of laughing at myself for how long we didn't realize he is bananas. He has complete crazy eyes in this movie.

2) Nicole, yours ain't much better. But that perm is an entirely different matter. You look like you are auditioning for a Twisted Sister music video. A really fucking weird one, sure, but there it is.

ETA: Whoops! This is her real hair! I thought someone just went wild with a crimping iron (OMG, remember those?!) vs. cramming her natural curls into all kinds of uncomfortable looking period styles.

3) That bowl scene. Are we supposed to believe he has an erection after just accidentally shooting himself in the face?! Or is his junk so impressive that she smiles at the flaccid sight of him? I'm just confused.

4) It's just dawning on me that this movie pretty much is an early draft of Titanic. Without a sinking boat.

5) I think they're playing Scottish bagpipes during the duel-at-dawn scene between, you know, two IRISH guys.

This fucking movie