...warning inane feelings post ahead.

So. Recently my friend put up a bunch of pics from high school. One was a pic of me and my then boyfriend. We dated a few months, then he went to visit his dad in another city and hooked back up with his girlfriend. We broke up but remained friends.

While I was in college, he came to visit me and we hung out for a night. Then he joined the navy and moved to San Diego. He married someone else, had a kid, and then died in a motorcycle crash.

When I heard of his death, I was abstractly sad, but it didn't impact me. I guess I was just too shitty and involved in my new marriage and college to care. I'm not proud of my reaction.

But recently I've been thinking about him. A lot. I wonder what would've happened had we actually got back together. I know there really wasn't a chance, but something in my head is fixated on him a lot now, ten years after his death.

Maybe it's the idea of lost youth. Maybe he's the untouchable ghost that I can pin all of my bad decisions on. Maybe I'm just bored. But I'm definitely sad about his death now. I've been crying a lot, and I hope his son is well.

Sorry for the strange post, but this has been rattling around for a while. I'm hoping to get some freedom from this strange feeling by posting it.