You guys are amazing. This is a bit surreal. I am grateful.

I really want to be clear about this, because it is important to me: I did not mean for this to happen. I really was making a fairly relevant joke, because it made me giggle in my head. And then I took a phone call from my boss, and when I came back a bunch of people had gotten together to stave off an incident in my life. It was wonderful, and it was amazing, and I am glad to know I have friends willing to do that, because it also means you are willing to listen to my shitty jokes and random rants, and that is what I value here. That I have friends. But money tends to make everything weird, and I didn't actually mean to bring it up.

The proper thing for me to have done would have been to turn it down, but by the time I came back online after making this joke there was already a whole kickstarter, and I was trying to figure this out so I could get to work, and it was magic. I do not want to appear rude, or ungrateful. But the temptation to let you amazing wonderful people solve an IRL problem was irresistible. It was fucking magic. And I couldn't think of a way to say that I didn't want things to get weird when so many people had already been so generous, and it was a great excuse to not have to stress over this one thing right here. I cannot tell you how absolutely loved you made me feel, and I can't tell you what that's worth. I do not mean to discount it in any way, only to acknowledge that money is a thing that inherently makes the best of situations weird when discussed openly.

I think the following things: This shows a lot of good things about us here. We are generous, and we think of each other as friends, and we like each other. We are diverse. We are all the good things from camp. I think that people should not feel like they can't write about their lives simply because it might come off as a request for money. Nor should we have to constantly bat away the thought that this place is a possible source of it. This is the place we come to be who we want to be, around people we like. For some, it's a place to forget their lives entirely. I cannot tell you how important that is, to have a place that it isn't in your head. I think that in cases where people need help, that they should be able to ask for it openly, because we are their friends. And I think that help should be given maybe more anonymously as far as the community is concerned. This is what PMs used to be great for, people letting everyone else know privately when someone needed something, and everyone got together on it, the end. But it's tricky in real life friendships and in these to do when you're at a party and you have to yell over the music because there is no quiet room.

I think that the gift you were giving me was the peace I needed. I will gratefully accept that gift. As for the money, I think we should either return it or give it to charity. I will donate or refund the amount that you guys fronted me plus ten bucks for myself when I get paid, or sooner if I can. This was a matter of my kid being obsessed with baths and the water bill being outrageous the same pay period I took off work for my new job, which hasn't reimbursed or paid me yet. It is a common sort of situation to find oneself in. I will take this gift from each of you, my individual friends here, in the spirit you meant it in, which is solving a problem so that I didn't have to. But I think that if you guys go with charity I would like to buy diapers for the womens' center at my school with my part.

I think the thing to keep in mind is that this wasn't meant to be an en masse thing. This was a group of wonderful individuals who did something nice for a friend. And I think we need to keep doing that, that we need to feel free to help people out that we meet here, that we can swap yarn and interact in all sorts of ways, but I think that when it comes to bailing out friends on their bills, it needs to be not quite so visible to keep from being weird. People meet at bars and go on dates here, it's totally conceivable that people would be friendly enough to loan each other five bucks, or that twenty people would. But because it's money, we aren't comfortable talking about it. People make crazy shit up to avoid telling each other the truth about money. We have made the amount of it we have into a reflection of personal value in this society. It is supremely uncomfortable. So I think that it needs to be off the table publicly if we ever want to talk about it in the abstract. I think that this is one of those things that absolutely would have been done by PM had we still had it. And I think that's the level it needs to stay on in order to avoid things being weird and jealousies arising and accounting being done.

I can't bail you all out in return, and there's no feasible way to make this kind of thing happen for all of us. But I am suddenly seized with the spirit, and I will, no shit, bake you cookies and send them to your house. Hopefully they will show up on a bad day and help. I will also take volunteers to help bake these cookies. I am not fucking kidding about this. You do not have to be poor, or rich, or a commenter, or a lurker, or anything in particular. Just, if you feel like maybe you would like some cookies from a friend, let me know. My Twitter handle is the same as here. You can send me your name and address privately, and I will send you motherfucking cookies. That's what friends do.

Because this was a public thing, I am open for comment. But this is my take on it. You are amazing, and I love you, and you give good solids for people. I have to stop with the novel, because I have a post to write about how they came to turn off my electric bill and then these friends of mine got together and pitched in and loaned it to me, so instead of worrying about that I got to study in peace after work. And now I won't fail this test tomorrow. And I will bake every person reading this some motherfucking cookies, because it let me be in a good mood for once and I want to share that with the whole universe. I swear to God, in the next hour or two I am setting up a thing involving cookies. I know damn well you guys want some.