My husband hates me. Like he really hates me. Like he said we should just end it and move on with our lives. He said "I've always wanted to be a single dad." Which implies to me that he thinks I'd be a terrible mother and shouldn't have custody. He told me I was crazy and hearing things he wasn't actually saying. That's probably partially true but the thing about my husband is he always ALWAYS has to be right. And when he is boy will he tell you about how right he is and wrong you were. I don't clean things in a way that pleases him (he berated me, saying I do everything half assed and that he should probably rewash all the bottles I did), I'm a shit mom, I don't really have PPD I just don't want a family. I sort of wish I could just die now so he and the peep could move on and find a good mommy/wife. I decided to sleep in the guest room tonight because I was just so mad and we can't seem to stop fighting. He comes in here to tell me he's going to sleep in the baby's room with her tonight. He also made sure to mention that therapy isn't going to help me. When I decide to want to be a part of this family I know where to find them.
I understand it must be super frustrating to be dealing with me. I have PPD, I don't want to talk about IRL with anyone so therefore I restrict what he can and can't say to others about my/his struggles. He seems to think because he's read stuff on the internet about being the partner of a depressed person and tried all of it and it didn't work so therefore therapy would never help. It doesn't help that I've haven't been very happy with my therapist. He's using that as an excuse to claim therapy won't be able to help us. He says unbelievably cruel things to me and I retaliate by saying things I know will hurt him because fuck, he's making me hate myself more than I already do and I want him to go through some of this fucking hurt with me. It's fucked up I know.
I don't know what to do. I think I'm pushing him away but I don't know how to get him to help me the way I need him to. I think therapy would go a long way but we saw a therapist thru my employer's EAP a couple years ago when his family was asking us for lots of money and it was putting a strain on our relationship. She wasn't very good. He felt like the problem wasn't really resolved and he was upset to hear that his family is very codependent on him and needs to start learning to deal with their own problems. He has (had?) a family with me and the peep now. He's been a lot better about it but he doesn't feel like the therapy contributed to it.
I just don't know what to do guys. I think I may be losing him forever. And that's really fucking scary. Because I wont be this person forever and when we're good we're really fucking good. And now he's texting me from the other room claiming that he will be picking up the peep from daycare from now on and I think he's basically just trying to cut me out of the equation altogether. Idk practicing for being the single dad he thinks he's going to be. This is really fucking me up majorly. I don't know how I'm supposed to function in the real world like this. How have you guys coped with less than supportive partners? Otherwise I'll just take cute funny gifs to try and cheer myself up. I'm thinking getting drunk sounds like a plan.
Update: So after reading the initial outpouring of support from you guys I put down my drink and just went to bed. I slept like a rock, decided fuck going to work today, and went back to sleep. The big bird showered in the guest bath, slept in the peep's room on the floor, got her ready, and left all without even a word to me.
I just talked to my OB (really the only person I've been comfortable talking to). They were able to get me in the see her at 11 today so I really need to go jump in the shower. I'll update later. There's more I've been wanting to address.
FYI I removed the 2nd update and put it in it's own post.