I hate shaving. I have always hated shaving. Combine this with the fact that my leg hair grows overnight like weeds where a dog's gone pee, and the fact that the separate shower in the master bedroom is approximately the size of a saltine cracker box, and you have a perfect recipe for both a lousy shave and a whole lot of rage.

(However, I've been doing a fantastic job of shaving my knees, because once I get my leg braced on the wall, they're six inches from my face.)

Epilators result in pain, anger, and a fuck ton of ingrown hairs. This includes anything, like waxing, that involves removing hair by the roots.

Why yes, I do have one of those home IPL things. But the treatment window is the size of a raffle ticket, and since the thing hasn't even managed to eliminate my underarm hair yet (though it has decreased it), I'm not really keen on investing the amount of time it would take to do it on my legs, because I would in all likelihood be dead by then.

Nair? Nein. Laser treatments? Maybe, but not right now.

ELECTRIC SHAVER, RIGHT? This HAS to be the solution! Fast, efficient, doesn't require a trip to the Very Bad Shower Box of Claustrophobia And Unhappiness.

But electric shavers seem to be gendered. There are expensive MAN SHAVERS with excellent reviews and websites devoting space to comparing them. But little to no information about whether they function equally well on leg hair. But if you search for leg shavers or women's shavers, you do not get fancy cutting-edge (hur) options.

Instead, we get cheap-ass pink bullshit like this twenty-dollar motherfucker :

Help Me Tell My Leg Hair To Fuck Off.S

So from what little I can glean, for non-face use, foil shaver > rotary head shaver. This here Stupid Fucking Pink Plastic Insult To My Womanhood seems to be similar to this highly-reviewed piece of badassery :

Help Me Tell My Leg Hair To Fuck Off.S

WHY CAN'T I USE THAT? Why is this okay for the ultra-complex shape and comparatively sensitive skin of Man Face, but it will destroy my dainty lady calves? Why can't I have a well-built top-of-the-line rechargeable leg shaver, instead of some up-jumped-vibrating-disposable Soothing Lilac Unicorn Mist SparkleGarbage? WHY CAN'T I HAVE NICE THINGS? THAT ARE NOT PINK.

So LADIES. Or men who shave their legs, or whoever. Do you have a nice rechargeable shaver? Is it great? Does it work well? Does it look like a serious piece of grooming equipment instead of a non-threatening sex toy for first-timers? TELL ME ABOUT IT.