So I know here I said I was getting a new chair. Nix that and nix the cat getting spayed and we may also be chatting with the emergency fund to help with the car registered. Yay for making less than expecting and having more higher bills. ANYWAYS not the point of the post.

So I couldn't get those things but I did spend 40 on new swim bottoms. Which fit lovely and we have gone swimming about every other day for a few days. Thing is after I swim I am fine and all but the next day when I wake up I am just wanting to cry and super nauseous and feel shitty. Just having horrible thoughts and wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

I don't feel more in pain or anything. I am a little stiffer, but that is expected. Mentally though, just want to not exist. No I am not suicidal, more like I just think about how much better things could be if I just suddenly didn't exist.

I just brushed my teeth. I've been up for over 4 hours. I contemplated just chewing gum. I haven't eaten anything and I really don't feel like anything. I am definitely not going to make anything so probably won't eat for a few hours till thiefboo gets home.

Also we made a bad decision a few weeks ago. I signed up for a store credit card, they gave us 350 day of because I've had a loyalty card with them since I was a teen. But we maxed it out. >_< I have a whole new cute wardrobe(except pants, because they don't have pants my size, so still only one pair of jeans here). But a bunch of dresses, shirts, a cardigan and jewelery. I feel horrible about it. It's a new bill and we just really don't have the money, thiefboo encouraged me.

I am the financially responsible one, I am the one who always says no, but I said yes this time. Not only that but I have the dress I want to get married in now. So yay on that front. But financially it was incredibly dumb(see list above of the other things we can't do).

Now back to things, I am usually quite low but does exercising make some people even sadder? I thought it was supposed to work the other way. :/