Parents, do you know where your children are right now? You might want to give them a call to find out, because CNN has just uncovered a shocking trend that is sweeping the nation's youth: SHAMBOILING!

AMERICAN TEENS INVENT NEW WAY OF GETTING HIGH (maybe)

Move over, jenkem, choking game, pharma-parties, vodka tampons, butt chugging, bath salts, eyeball shots, there is a new dangerous drug that all the kids are doing, and its boiling shampoo and huffing the vapors to get hallucinations. Per CNN:

"Parents, lock up your shower supplies."
While this may sound like a joke...

No, this sounds like sensationalist bullshit that gets rolled out every year, but please continue!

"...this is an actual quote from an announcement made last week at a middle school just outside of Richmond, VA. The announcement was made in the just days after the hospitalization of two eighth graders due to a new practice called "shamboiling". Shamboiling, also referred to as bubbling, is practice where shampoo is brought to a rapid boil and then the fumes are inhaled for a hallucinogenic effect. While no one knows for sure how the trend started one thing is certain, that shamboiling is catching on quickly and that it is potentially deadly."

This all seems eerily similar to back in the mid 2000s when our communities were ravaged by the scourge that was jenkem. This was when teens would piss and shit into glass bottles, let it ferment in the sun, and then get high off of the fumes. One of my favorite symptoms that was reported repeatedly was was that users could "see dead people." Except none of that ever happened.

But I'm sure the media will get it right this time, after all, there are literally thousands of videos of teens "shamboiling" on youtube right now.

Correction: there are exactly zero videos of shamboiling on youtube.

UPDATE: So, a killjoy fun-eater commenter has pointed out that the original story is a year old and not vetted by CNN, soooo... The kids are alright! You can trust your fourth estate to never sensationalize a story regarding a fake teen trend in order to up viewership.